ALMA ELAINE SHENDE
Alma Elaine Lewis Shende grew up in Baltimore, MD, with her parents, Bradford and Martha Lewis [Boss], and her siblings Patricia and Brad. To her Baltimore relatives and friends, she was always Alma. She claimed that there were enough Alma’s in the family, and once she graduated from Towson High, she was known at Centenary College in Hackensack NJ as Lainie. For the rest of her life, she answered to her middle name, Elaine.
Elaine had a lively enthusiasm for people and places beyond her horizon, and this was enhanced while at Centenary College, where she pursued a heightened interest in French. Subsequently, in 1958-59, she spent a year at the University of Geneva in Switzerland, immersing herself in French studies. It was there that she met Michael Shende, from Trinidad, whose assiduous courting eventually won her over: so much so that upon her return to Baltimore, they arranged for him to do his internship there, once he had completed his medical studies in Geneva. Elaine, in spite of government and family impediments, knew where her true heart lay: she eloped with Michael and got married in a non-descript court house in 1962 in Washington DC. Happily, her parents subsequently relented and accepted him into the family, and, much to Elaine’s chagrin, thoroughly spoiled him thereafter.
Michael was subsequently accepted into the residency program at the Upstate Medical Center in Syracuse NY and trained to become a neurosurgeon. Moving to Syracuse was a novel situation for Elaine: quite different from their gay student days in Geneva and the familiar environment of Baltimore. She made it all possible with her job as a travel agent and her management of the household, which eventually included the arrival of daughter Suzanne. Indeed, Syracuse, which had initially been considered a necessary way station in their journey, slowly took hold of them: so much so that when Michael was offered a position in the Department of Neurosurgery by his mentor Dr. Robert King, there was no question of considering alternatives.
Elaine was dedicated to her community, whether it was co-leading the 4-H Club in Baldwinsville or volunteering at the Everson Museum. She assumed a leadership role as a trustee of the Public Broadcasting Council of Central New York, participated in the Guild of the original Syracuse Symphony Orchestra, and enjoyed especially the years on the Guild of the fledgling Syracuse Stage.
She loved the outdoors, and her activities were centered around her loyal group of friends and family, whether it was playing tennis at Drumlins, skiing at Labrador or in the Dolomites, riding horses or hiking in the Adirondacks. A special delight was her weekly bridge group, and she loved hosting dinners and gardening. Elaine was an endlessly supportive mother to their daughter, Suzanne, with whom she shared many of her passions, and always led with love. She was bright, elegant, capable, vivacious, and everything to Michael, Suzanne, and the family. She never failed to share wise guidance, loving support, and her adventurous spirit with those she loved.
Her love of traveling and discovering new places never diminished over the years, like the incidental discovery of a gem of a trattoria in a dead-end hilltop village somewhere in Tuscany or Umbria. Elaine also weaved rich parts of her Maryland background into the lives of her family. Family Christmas festivities, beginning with decorating the front door with her mother, sister Tricia and nieces in Baltimore, were special to her. The boardwalk and beach in Ocean City and the water activities on Captains Hill were an integral part of the summer, and a table full of steamed crabs was a much-anticipated event.
After 60 memorable years in Syracuse, Elaine was called away, peacefully, on January 3, 2025. She is survived by her husband Michael, daughter Suzanne, 2 grandsons Mouri and Emeri, sister Patricia, brother Brad, and her adoring nieces and nephews from Baltimore to Sacramento and beyond.
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