Mystic - Thomas Michael Tobin passed away Nov. 6, 2023, from pancreatic cancer, one day short of his 80th birthday.
Tom was born in 1943, the third of six children, to Judge John E. Tobin and Margaret ""Peggy"" Tobin (née Flaherty) in Yonkers, N.Y. His father was a lifelong Democratic Party elected official in Westchester and the senior judge of the City of Yonkers. A consummate politician's spouse, Tom's mother presided over their family of six children at political outings for decades. Her easy outgoing rapport with others softened his reserved manner and was the perfect counterbalance to his judicious public persona. Summers were the best: eagerly anticipated visits to a family home in Pond Eddy, N.Y., on the Delaware River engendered Tom's early enchantment with water and shore.
Tom graduated from Fordham Preparatory School in the Bronx, N.Y. He was a star guard and captain of Fordham's football team and declined college offers to play football, instead enrolling in 1962 at St. Bonaventure University. After two years he pivoted away from student life. By enlisting in the United States Marine Corps in 1964, Tom followed in the footsteps of his grandfather's engagement in World War I, and his father's and four uncles' distinguished service during World World II. During Tom's combat tour in Vietnam, he was deployed as a sergeant with the 1st Light Anti-Aircraft Missile Battalion assigned to protect Da Nang Air Force Base. The singular commitment and the discipline of his service in the Marines animated the rest of his life.
In 1968, Tom married Helen Ann Bisconti, and they welcomed three children, William David (David, 1969), Helen Margaret (Maggie, 1973) and Thomas Peter (Peter, 1974). Tom brought determined focus to his education after returning to civilian life, obtained a bachelor of arts in history from New York University, a juris doctor from Fordham University School of Law in 1972, and a taxi driver's license from his nighttime yellow cab stint while in school.
Tom's legal career began in 1973 as an associate with Skadden Arps. He moved to Skandia Reinsurance (subsequently Odyssey Reinsurance), rising to General Counsel during a 20-year career there; his position with this European company informed a thoughtful worldview. In 1999, he transitioned into a new role as an arbitrator and umpire in the field of complex reinsurance disputes until his retirement in 2021. Over two decades, Tom served as a trustee for the American Insurance Trust, a nationwide provider of professional malpractice liability and risk/financial management for psychologists. He was instrumental in the related formation of the Potomac National Security Reinsurance Co. and served as a director. In all, Tom's balanced and judicious decisions and no-nonsense approach to legal matters were characteristic of his work.
Tom intermixed work with adventure and play. A lifelong learner and voracious reader, he instilled in his children a passion for reading and shared books readily with friends. His curiosity informed projects like building sea-worthy wooden rowing boats, the optimal way to steam a hard-boiled egg, moving massive stones solo to construct a pathway, and the planting and nurturing of a fig tree. Dedicated to fitness, he was an avid runner and ran multiple Marine Corps marathons before slowing to a hiker's pace and focusing on rowing as his ideal form of exercise. His children made him learn to ski at 40, tackling far-flung western and European slopes together (later joined by grandchildren), and lived for a time in Vermont to ski every day as a mountain host at Killington.
On the day after his release from the Marine Corps, Tom went for his very first sail; he was hooked. He became a proficient sailor, cruised the New England coast with family and friends, and helmed multiple Newport Bermuda races. His children were his favorite crew; those times rang with Cat Stevens' songs and raucous laughter at the lyrics of Monty Python. At the New York Athletic Club, he and friends rescued his third and final boat, a 45-foot Rhodes design wooden racing sloop named HI-Q-II. He relished her exceptional sailing performance during years of classic boat races. Later, as her sole steward, he spent more time rebuilding this 50-year-old marvel than at the helm. To be close to her berth at Fort Rachel Marina, Tom relocated his primary home from TriBeCa in NYC to Mystic, where he expanded his woodworking and boatbuilding skills and made strong friendships in this historic sailing community.
In 2007, Tom began a romance with his second wife, Dr. Kris Kuhn, who moved back to southeastern Connecticut to take up a life with him. Their mutual interests and sensibilities sustained a rich life together. Concern for the environment translated locally through work with Groton Conservation Advocates (Tom served as a founding board member) and Groton Open Spaces Association. They shared books, the news, morning coffee, rowing on the Mystic River, hiking, cooking, traveling, theater, and time with family and friends.
Tom was a man of many interests and a wide range of knowledge. He was always open and engaging among friends, with a dry, lively humor and hospitality that seemed thoroughly natural. The more people in his wide circle consider and reminisce about Tom Tobin, the more he will be missed.
Tom is survived by his wife, Kris; his sister, Mary ""Betty"" Smith; brother, James ""Jim"" Tobin; his son, David, and daughter-in-law, Emily; his daughter, Maggie; and seven grandchildren, Lorenzo, Ella, Seamus, Thomas, Penelope, Hayes and Ryder. He is also survived by Kris' brother and sister-in-law, Mark Kuhn and Nicolette Doukas. His first marriage ended in divorce. His son Peter predeceased him in 2021.