On Saturday evening August 27 at 8pm the world lost one of its brightest lights. Our beloved Marial - known to us as Grammie, spent a beautiful day with her loving husband of 50 years and dear friends eating barbecue and sharing laughs, returned home happy, checked the mail, watered her plants on the deck, sat down at the dining room table to catch her breath, and just quietly stopped breathing with no pain and no fear, leaving us all after 82 brilliant years on this earth.
The year was 1962, the average home cost $12,500, gas was .23 cents a gallon, President Kennedy was in the White House and I was in the third grade. My mother was a vibrant twenty-eight year old. One night in early spring, she brought me to an orchestral concert at the old New Bedford High School where a few years earlier she had begun what would be her life-long career in education.
We sat together in the balcony and the flutes intrigued me, the stage lights reflecting off these shiny silver instruments. I remember quietly whispering to my mom how much I would like to try playing one. To my great fortune, she listened to me and she took action. Nearly fifty years later her thoughtful act of paying attention has enriched my life and the lives of my daughters.
In 1963, she met “Ronnie”, a practicing attorney, and they fell in love. Their decision to marry soon followed. The oddsmakers smugly and confidently gave their marriage less than 6 months. But what followed was a true testament of love and a beautiful, understanding relationship that has lasted over 50 years. A true lesson for us all.
Grammie had a spirit and personality of love combined with a sincere compassion that was larger than life. Her gracious style infused a person the moment they met her. Whether it was the guy behind the counter or a Supreme Court justice, everyone felt her presence. She spoke to people with love and concern and demonstrated genuine heartfelt interest. She had the rare and unearthly ability to see a person as if through God’s eyes. Not so much of who they were, but rather who they could be. This made everyone feel as if they were her best friend.
Her ability to connect with people young and old and her reputation for honest compassion led to a quick and well-deserved advancement in the public school system. In 1973 she became the first woman to become a housemaster in charge of running the Blue House at New Bedford High School, a position she would hold until she retired in 1997. She loved her work, her administrative peers and teachers, and she loved the connection with the thousands of students that walked those halls every day. And they in turn loved her.
Grammie never stopped wanting to learn. She diligently studied her native Wampanoag, was a sucker for new household gadgets she could order online, had a love-hate relationship with her MAC and iPad, was an avid reader, loved her german shepherds, enjoyed watching horror movies, and for some reason collected elephant memorabilia.
She could laugh at her weaknesses and she knew how to never take life too seriously. She couldn’t go anywhere in public without at least somebody saying “Hi Mrs. Harper” but she could never remember any of their names, so she referred to everyone as “dear”.
Our beautiful Grammie was 82, but on those good days and there were many, she looked as though she was merely approaching 50. The picture attached to this article was taken only a week before her passing. Her laugh was infectious and her upbeat outlook on life was real and it is was probably those two main attributes that kept her so young at heart and alive with that youthful look and spirit.
But her deepest devotion and passion was selflessly given to her children and six grandchildren. For over 50 years she attended nearly every one of our musical performances or sporting events unless she was physically or geographically unable to do so. The memories of her standing or sitting in wind-chilled 30 degree weather at Sargent Field or at Dartmouth High to watch one of her own compete for 3 hours are permanently etched in each of our minds. There was no event that involved her grandchildren that was too difficult, too cold, too long or too uncomfortable for her to be there. And she did it all with not the slightest complaint. This magnificent lady was to each of one of us our biggest fan, our loudest cheerleader, and our most reliable and dependable earthly source of comfort. She played no favorites and by her actions she proved it day after day, year after year.
A walk through Grammie’s home reveals her priorities. Hundreds of photographs surround you of all her grandchildren at nearly every age of their lives. Every room of her house from the kitchen to the bathrooms to the basement, reveal scenes of newborns, toddlers at play, middle and high school performances, college graduations, and even the normal everyday moments plastered on refrigerators, shelves, cabinet doors, taking up each and every square inch of available space. She delighted in her family above all else.
A friend told me recently that when you grieve so intensely, it is only because you loved so deeply. Feeling the grief, I carefully studied all that was hers. I was fascinated by her interest and passion for elephants. She has collected elephant memorabilia for years that include small and large elephant figurines, bronze wall hangings, elephant paintings, books on elephants, elephant pillow cases, elephant bookends, elephant dishwasher magnets, elephant lawn ornaments and more. Not long ago, one of the granddaughters made an all varsity attempt to count every elephant reference in her home but tired as the number climbed toward 200.
I don’t know why elephants held such an appeal, and I don’t believe I ever asked her. But how comical and perfectly ironic that this tremendous and joyful woman who couldn’t remember a single name, loved the elephant, an animal with the greatest memory of all.
I am not sure if it’s true about elephants never forgetting, but what we do know without question as your loving family, as your many friends, and those of us who were just mere acquaintances, what we know is that it will be impossible for us to ever forget the beautiful and still vibrant soul you were and will remain to be. We will miss and love you forever. Until we see you again, God bless you Grammie and thank you once more for the gift of YOU, that you so generously shared with all of us.
A time of remembrance and sharing with friends and family will be held at the Saunders-Dwyer Home for Funerals, 495 Park St., New Bedford on Sunday, September 4th from 1:00 - 5:00 pm. In lieu of flowers, donations can be made to her two favorite charities: The Boys and Girls Club of New Bedford, 166 Jenney St., New Bedford, MA 02740 or Guiding Eyes for the Blind, 611 Granite Springs Rd., Yorktown Heights, NY 10598. For online condolence book, please visit www.saundersdwyer.com.